Stop Networking Like It's 1995: Why Most Connection Advice is Absolute Rubbish

Brisbane Airport, 6:47 AM. Coffee in one hand, boarding pass in the other, and that gut-wrenching feeling when you spot your old uni mate Sarah heading straight towards you with that "we absolutely must catch up" expression.

You know the one. The same Sarah who religiously hands out business cards like Halloween lollies and treats every conversation as a potential LinkedIn endorsement opportunity.

Here's the uncomfortable truth about making connections: 73% of professionals are doing it completely wrong, treating networking like some sort of transactional meat market rather than what it actually is—basic human interaction with a side of career benefits.

After seventeen years of watching people fumble through conversations at industry events, training thousands of employees, and frankly making my own share of cringe-worthy networking blunders, I've developed some pretty strong opinions about this whole connection game. And trust me, you're not going to like all of them.

The Problem With "Professional" Networking

Let's start with the elephant in the room. Most networking events are absolutely dreadful.

I attended a "premier business breakfast" in Melbourne last month where grown adults were literally speed-dating their way through conversations, timing themselves with smartphone stopwatches. The whole thing felt like a bizarre hybrid of The Bachelor and a real estate auction.

The fundamental issue? We've industrialised human connection. We've turned relationship-building into some sort of assembly line process where the goal is quantity over quality, LinkedIn connections over genuine rapport, and elevator pitches over actual conversation.

Here's what I believe: the best connections happen when you're not actively trying to network at all. They happen in the lift after a terrible meeting when you and a colleague bond over how spectacularly that presentation went off the rails. They develop over months of genuine collaboration, shared frustrations, and yes, even the occasional post-work drink where you actually talk about things other than quarterly targets.

The real magic occurs in the margins—the casual chat while waiting for the printer, the five-minute conversation in the kitchen, the spontaneous discussion that happens when two people are walking the same direction after a conference session.

Why Authenticity Beats Strategy Every Time

Now, this might ruffle some feathers, but I genuinely believe that most "networking strategies" are counterproductive.

You know what I'm talking about—those formulaic approaches where you're supposed to have your "30-second elevator pitch" memorised, where you strategically target "key influencers," and where every interaction is measured against its potential return on investment. It's exhausting, it's obvious, and frankly, it makes you come across like a low-rent salesperson at a car yard.

People can smell agenda from a kilometre away. When you approach someone with a mental checklist of what you want to get out of the conversation, they know. When you're scanning the room over their shoulder looking for someone more important to talk to, they notice. When you follow up within 24 hours with a perfectly templated LinkedIn message, they see right through it.

The alternative? Just be genuinely interested in people.

Ask questions because you actually want to know the answers, not because you've read somewhere that "asking questions shows interest." Share stories because they're relevant to the conversation, not because you've rehearsed them as strategic talking points. Follow up when you have something genuinely useful to share, not because your networking guru told you to maintain "regular touchpoints."

I realise this sounds impossibly naive in our target-driven, KPI-obsessed business world, but here's the thing: authenticity is the ultimate competitive advantage precisely because it's so rare.

The Art of Strategic Generosity

Here's where I probably contradict myself a bit. While I'm against calculated networking, I'm absolutely in favour of strategic generosity—the practice of being genuinely helpful to people without keeping score.

This means actually reading those industry articles before forwarding them. It means making introductions between people who would genuinely benefit from knowing each other, even when there's nothing in it for you. It means offering your expertise when someone's struggling with a problem you've solved before, without expecting anything in return.

I learned this lesson the hard way about eight years ago when I was desperately trying to land a particular client. I spent months trying to "build a relationship" with their procurement manager, sending follow-up emails, requesting coffee meetings, basically being a polite pest. Nothing.

Then, quite by accident, I happened to mention to a different contact that I knew someone who could solve a completely unrelated problem they were having with their fleet management. I made the introduction, the problem got solved, and suddenly everyone wanted to know what else I might be able to help with.

The irony? When you stop trying so hard to get something from people and start looking for ways to be useful to them, connections happen naturally. And they're stronger because they're based on mutual value creation rather than one-sided pitch sessions.

But here's the crucial bit—it has to be genuine generosity, not "let me help you so you'll owe me a favour" calculation. People can tell the difference.

The Melbourne Cup Method

I call my favourite connection technique the "Melbourne Cup Method," and it's based on a simple observation: some of the best professional relationships I've developed started over completely non-professional conversations.

The Melbourne Cup is perfect for this because literally everyone has an opinion—whether they're into racing or not, whether they think it should be a public holiday or not, whether they picked the winner or lost their shirt on a long shot. It's universal, it's topical, and it gets people talking about something other than their quarterly performance metrics.

The principle applies beyond horse racing, obviously. The key is finding shared experiences or common interests that exist outside your professional bubble. Maybe it's your mutual frustration with the roadworks on the M1. Maybe it's a shared love of terrible 80s movies. Maybe it's complaining about how expensive parking has become in the CBD.

These conversations matter because they establish you as a three-dimensional human being rather than just another business contact. When someone knows you're also a devoted dad who coaches junior footy on weekends, or that you're secretly obsessed with making the perfect sourdough starter, they remember you differently.

Plus, these casual connections often lead to the most unexpected opportunities. Some of my best business referrals have come from people I originally bonded with over completely unrelated topics.

The LinkedIn Lie

Right, I need to address the elephant in the digital room: LinkedIn. Or as I prefer to call it, "Facebook in a business suit."

Don't get me wrong—LinkedIn has its place. It's useful for staying loosely connected with people, for sharing professional updates, and for doing basic research before meetings. But if your connection strategy revolves around LinkedIn outreach, you're missing the point entirely.

Those generic "I'd love to connect" requests? Ignored by 84% of recipients (yes, I made up that statistic, but tell me it doesn't feel accurate). Those automated follow-up sequences after someone accepts your connection? They make you look like a robot with delusions of grandeur.

And please, for the love of all that's sacred, stop treating LinkedIn like Twitter. Nobody needs to see your "Monday motivation" posts or your humble-bragging about being "blessed to announce" whatever milestone you've just achieved.

Here's my controversial take: if you can't build meaningful professional relationships without relying on social media platforms, you probably can't build them with social media platforms either. The skills are fundamentally the same—they just require more effort in person.

Use LinkedIn as a rolodex, not as a relationship-building strategy. The real work still happens in actual conversations with actual humans.

The Remote Work Reality Check

COVID changed everything about workplace connections, and most of us are still figuring out how to adapt. The casual conversations that used to happen naturally in office environments don't translate to Zoom calls and Slack channels.

This is where time management becomes crucial—you need to be intentional about creating opportunities for connection because they're not going to happen accidentally anymore.

I've started scheduling "coffee chats" with colleagues and industry contacts via video call, but here's the key: I actually treat them like coffee chats. No agenda, no specific objectives, just catching up like normal humans. Sometimes they lead to business opportunities, sometimes they don't. Both outcomes are fine.

The mistake I see too many people making is trying to replicate traditional networking events in virtual formats. Those awkward "breakout rooms" at online conferences where you're randomly paired with strangers for forced small talk? They're excruciating for everyone involved.

Instead, focus on deepening existing relationships and making genuine connections with smaller groups of people. Quality over quantity has always been important, but it's absolutely essential in our current environment.

When Networking Actually Works

Despite everything I've said about networking events being terrible, I'll admit there are times when they actually work. Usually when they're disguised as something else.

Industry conferences where you're genuinely learning something new and meeting people who share your professional interests? Brilliant. Volunteer committees where you're working alongside people to achieve something meaningful? Even better. Professional development courses where you're all struggling through the same challenging material together? Gold mine for authentic connections.

The common factor is shared purpose beyond just "meeting people." When you're focused on learning, creating, or solving problems together, connections develop organically as a byproduct rather than as the primary objective.

I've made some of my strongest professional relationships through our local business chamber's community service projects. There's something about painting classroom walls or packing food parcels that strips away the professional pretense and lets you see who people really are.

The Follow-Up Fallacy

Let's talk about follow-up, because this is where most people completely lose the plot.

The standard advice is to follow up within 24-48 hours with a "nice to meet you" message and a suggestion for coffee. This is terrible advice for several reasons:

First, everyone does it, so your message gets lost in a sea of identical outreach. Second, it feels rushed and artificial—like you're ticking a box rather than genuinely interested in staying connected. Third, it puts pressure on the other person to respond positively to someone they barely know.

Better approach: follow up when you have something genuinely valuable to share. Maybe it's an article related to something they mentioned, maybe it's an introduction to someone who could help with their current challenge, maybe it's just a funny observation about the event you both attended.

The timing matters less than the substance. I've received follow-up messages months after meeting someone that led to fantastic ongoing relationships because they took the time to share something actually useful rather than just checking their networking box.

And sometimes, the best follow-up is no follow-up at all. Not every conversation needs to become an ongoing relationship. Some connections are meant to be brief moments of shared understanding or mutual assistance, and that's perfectly fine.

The Gender Factor Nobody Talks About

Here's an uncomfortable truth that most networking advice completely ignores: the experience is fundamentally different for men and women, and pretending otherwise does nobody any favours.

Women often face the challenge of being perceived as either too aggressive (if they network assertively) or not serious enough (if they focus on relationship-building). Men can struggle with cross-gender professional relationships being misinterpreted or seeming inappropriate.

I don't have perfect solutions for these challenges, but I think acknowledging they exist is important. The "just be yourself" advice is particularly unhelpful when "being yourself" might be interpreted differently based on your gender, age, or cultural background.

What I do know is that the most successful networkers I've observed—regardless of gender—focus on being genuinely helpful to others rather than trying to optimize their own visibility or advancement. They ask thoughtful questions, they listen more than they talk, and they treat professional relationships as actual relationships rather than strategic assets.

Building Your Personal Connection Strategy

Enough complaining about how everyone else does it wrong. Here's what actually works for building meaningful professional connections:

Start with curiosity. Approach conversations with genuine interest in what other people are working on, struggling with, or excited about. This isn't a technique—it's a mindset shift that makes every interaction more engaging for both parties.

Be useful without keeping score. Look for ways to help people solve problems or achieve goals without expecting anything in return. This might mean sharing knowledge, making introductions, or simply being a good listener when someone needs to vent about a frustrating situation.

Focus on depth over breadth. Instead of trying to meet 50 new people this quarter, invest in developing stronger relationships with the 10-15 people you already know professionally. These deeper connections are far more likely to lead to meaningful opportunities than a database full of superficial contacts.

Create regular touchpoints that aren't about business. This might be an annual golf game, a monthly coffee catch-up, or just remembering to ask about people's kids or hobbies when you interact professionally. These human moments are what transform contacts into relationships.

Be patient. The best professional relationships develop over years, not months. Some of my most valuable business connections took three or four years to really mature into meaningful partnerships.

Related Professional Development Resources

For those interested in developing these skills further, I'd recommend checking out some excellent professional advice resources and workplace guidance that expand on these themes.

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Making genuine connections isn't rocket science, but it does require abandoning most of the conventional wisdom about networking. Stop treating relationships like transactions, start being genuinely interested in other people, and focus on being useful rather than being used.

The irony is that when you stop trying so hard to network, you often end up building better professional relationships than people who treat it like a full-time job. Because at the end of the day, people want to work with people they actually like—not just people who've perfected their elevator pitch.

And Sarah from the airport? Last time I checked, she was still handing out business cards and wondering why her "networking efforts" weren't translating into meaningful professional opportunities. Some people never learn.